Dear Ms. Katseanes,
I’m writing to inform you that your application to the Young Ann Coulter Society of America has been declined.
While we appreciate your omnidirectional potential for hate and vitriol, and frankly impressed at its early manifestation, your inability to coalesce your rants into a focused tirade directed at “liberal conspiracies of Bill Clinton” disqualifies you for membership.
Your head is in the right place though, as is evidenced by this article. We applaud you for focusing on your feelings, irrelevant personal history and vague impressions of social groups from sipping lattes in the student union.
If you can remember that the sole purpose of editorials like this is to turn your frustrations over your fathers lack of attention into a focused attack on left wing politics then we would happily reconsider your application.
Keep up the good work! Heil Coulter!