She told him she wouldn’t be with a painter who couldn’t commit to one full sized painting. He claimed that his works were full sized, and that when he hung them all together they formed a whole, like the old Star Wars trading cards, or a jigsaw puzzle. She said that puzzle pieces were never rectangles. He said some of his paintings were actually squares, and she said, yeah, all squares are rectangles.

Peanuts by Brian Raszka
Unrelated illustration by Brian Raszka, www.brianraszka.com

She said she wanted him to paint something on the scale of their king-sized bed, since people pay good money for art that big, as opposed to a collage of twin pillows.

So he bought a big canvass, and built it a frame of two-by-fours and quarter molding. But he had no where to lay it except right on the bed, minus the pillows of course. And then he couldn’t think of anything to fill all that space, which as he stared at it on that scale became as fine and clear as the porcelain front of a toilet tank

Then he realized that even the box spring under the king sized mattress under the king sized canvass was twins working as one, so he took black paint and drew a line right down the middle, then he painted something on either side.

-M