Abstract:

Chestie McCougar huunter is a semi nomadic, solitary species observed only in the Reno region of Northern Nevada. He is characterized by flamboyantly amazing physical personage, sleeveless clothing, or the semi-lack thereof. His behaviors include pursuing and devouring attractive and attention-starved older women and purchasing malt liquor at local quickie marts. His hunting grounds are Wingfield Park, Reno, Washoe County, Nevada, USA, North America, Earth. Though the Cougarhunter’s importance as a species due to their unique ability to control the surplus cougar population is understood and widely appreciated, many things are unknown about chestie, Washoe County’s only known Cougarhunter. This document outlines what is known, and what is being done to learn more.

Chestie en route to a hunt

Chestie en route to a hunt Photo by Michelle McChestiehunter

Observations

Chestie can be seen downtown at outdoor venues during summer months prowling around without a shirt on.

Though the old Chestie never wore shorts or a shirt, in recent years he has taken to wearing shorts and a shirt in an effort to tone down his cugarhunting abilities and regain some of the thrill and craft of cougarhunting from when it wasn’t so easy.

You can recognize Chestie by his bulging and exposed chest muscles. He has the most magnificent chest in Reno. If you find yourself magnetically transfixed on the chest, man or woman, boy or girl, you’re in the midst of Chestie. But don’t worry, unless you are a sexy and flamboyant divorcee or widow over the age of 45, you have nothing to fear from Chestie.

Chestie rides a comfort bicycle, but he is deceptively fast. He can out sprint a hipster on a fixie in ladypants.

Chestie usually arrives on the scene on his bike and circles the venue stopping intermittently to scan the scene for vulnerable Cougars. As he is doing this, though this has never been witnessed, he rubs his chest on various objects around the park to mark his territory and confuse the cougars. The cougarhunter has scent glands on his chest much the same way dogs have scent glands in their buttholes.

Snapping a photo of Chestie is difficult, though it has occasionally been done. Usually would-be photographers get trapped in the shimmering radiance of his Olympian pectorals and drop their cameras in the river. No photos to date are conclusively Chestie and none so far have shown him in the act of hunting, capturing or dragging off a cougar for devouring.

Chestie has dark hair, dark skin, is about 5 foot 10. Nationality: unknown. Language: unknown. age: indeterminate. Next of Kin: unknown. Domicile: though the exact location is unknown, Chestie has been seen in the Old Southwest area of Reno somewhere south of La Rue, north of Virginia Lake, east of Arlington Ave, and west of Watt St. It has been theorized by M. Henderson, J. Scripps, R. Jerz et.al that he nests in the homes of various local cougars who reside in that area. This theory has yet to be tested. A definite range extent has not been determined. Survey data is being compiled based on sightings.

While Cougarhunters are social animals, they only socialize with the the opposite sex if they are more than 20 years his age and possess a significant amount of expendable income. Occasionally Chestie can be seen speaking to another male and occasionally another cougarhunter, but only briefly. Chestie is the Alpha cougarhunter in the area. All others hang back and hunt only after Chestie has bagged his cougar.

Chestie either hibernates for the winter, or grows a thick coat of white fur. He has never been seen in the winter. It has been surmised that he migrates to warmer regions of southern Arizona to feast on the vast herds of Snowbird Cougars there.

Methods

Photos of Chestie must show some defining characteristic of Chestie as described above. Images that show his face are encouraged, but not necessary. Photos of him in action, and on his home habitat are highly desired. Images and observation notes may be posted to drop.io/chestiemccougarhunter or mailed to chestiemccougarhunter AT drop.io.

References

Original Chestie McCougarhunter Blog Post
Chestie’s Twitter Page
Chestie’s Drop.io Page
Flickr Photo Repository
Chestie Sighting, with huntind tips